My support when I fall

I spent hours beating myself up, guilt overwhelming me. And then this song plays, encompassing the lyrics, "His blood commands my guilt to leave." (Jimmy Needham, "Forgiven and Loved") I was called to the company office. On the way to the office and back home, I was listening to "Embrace" by Jake Hamilton. The lyrics filled my car saying, "it's all gonna be ok." And I knew that whether I came out with a job or not, God is still God. As it happened...because of a poor decision on my part, I was terminated. Now I know that I made a mistake, but I also know that God is still God. I apologized to the company. I apologized to the Lord....oh how many times. Yet, He is good and He forgives. The next morning, an older song played through my ipod "And even when your hope is gone, move along, move along just to make it through." (AAR, Move Along) Despite my fall, God can change it around for His good. I'm not sure how yet, but I know He can.

I fell in a pit created by my own hands. And a hand reached out and grabbed mine. Who's hand was that? Well, first of all, the Lord. Even when I fail, He never fails me. He is ever faithful. And He graciously pulls me up when I fall.

But let me take a moment to brag on my family and close friends and the hand they offered me. See.....they're incredible. My family has it's disagreements like any. But I have been blessed with an extraordinary family. Instead of condemning me (like I did to myself the first night), they loved me, hugged me, offered hope, encouragement, and prayers. Never did they speak of the idiot I was. They just showered me in the most unconditional love and support. And I thank God for my family and how incredible they've been in this difficult time. To any of my family reading this: thank you. It means more than you'll ever probably know. And specifically to Gram (Hanson): staying with you and having a safe haven has been such a shelter in one of the storms of life and I appreciate your encouragement and never even thinking about putting me down in any way. I love that we can laugh together and forget about the worries of the world. I appreciate your love and I love you!

I have a couple close friends that were also incredible. One offered to let me talk and let me vent and yet was encouraging and has been ever since...giving me pieces of hopeful scripture and quotes and praying for me. Thank you, Krista. The other called me and very passionately told me about how God still had plans for me and that I wasn't a big screw-up and that God offers grace and forgiveness. I needed it. Had you seen it from the outside, you would've seen my best friend yelling at me. Honestly, I don't think I would've listened any other way. My mind was going a thousand directions and I needed the firmness, knowing she loves me. Thank you, Katie.

And to my parents and brothers who wrapped me in their arms the moment I walked in the door returning from the company office, thank you, thank you, thank you. And thank you for your support of my choice to be honest despite my failure. I appreciate your support so much.

So, it's a new day, soon to be a new year, and we'll see what God has in store next. I very much appreciate your prayers in this season of my life. Thanks for reading.

A novel concept

A couple weeks ago I think I had a deep revelation. And it hit me really hard. Tears began to well up in my eyes. But I'll come back to that.

Maybe a month ago, I felt like I was supposed to make a lifetime commitment to a couple of my close friends. It was a scary thing for me to do in one sense because I've had a lot of really poor relationships that were not healthy and did not end well, but I felt God leading me to do it and decided to trust Him. I had felt the Lord leading me to read about Jonathan and David. And so I felt him leading me to physically exchange something with these friends. The idea came from the following passage:
1 Samuel 18: 3 & 4--Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul. And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was upon him and gave it to David, and his garments, even to his sword, and to his bow, and to his girdle.

So, I was writing a note to one of them and talking about committing to them for life when it occured to me that I haven't fought with my friends in over a year. Now, to whoever you are reading this, you may be thinking that a year isn't a significant amount of time, but before that my friends and I were having fights like once a week. I'm thankful for the place those friends played in my life, the ways God used them to touch my heart, and what I've learned from them. But they weren't healthy relationships. I'd end up crying myself to sleep many nights, I felt like they didn't understand my heart, I felt like they degraded me at times, and the relationships were built on all the wrong things.

In the past year and a half I've developed healthy friendships with people who are willing to forgive and work through things instead of fighting. In no way am I saying that friendships aren't work, but the night I was writing this note, it occurred to me: FRIENDSHIPS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE HARD. I think that high school drama and college drama and the way society portrays every tv show and movie have had a huge influence on me believing that friendships are constantly hard. Every friendship has it's ups and downs, but I believe committing to pray with people, be honest, and yet speak in love and re-inforcing unconditional love makes for a stronger relationship. So instead of waiting for a friendship to fail since all the others have, I should just keep doing those things.

So, it's a novel concept, but I don't think friendships are supposed to be hard. I think they were designed to be supportive of one another, walk in the things of the Lord together, and just have fun.

The Christmas Season

Tonight my family and I went to Olmstead Manor (Ludlow, PA) to see it all decorated for Christmas. http://www.olmstedmanor.org It was so pretty! I love lights, and I especially love them at night time. After going to Olmstead, we just drove around looking at the pretty lights. There’s something about peace during Christmas. It has become commercialized and just a busy time where people just want it to be over before it even starts. But I love Christmas and just the peace I feel during it. I think I love everything about it. I love the decorations. I love the smells. I love the music. And at Christmas time, I don’t mind the snow. [See, here’s the thing about snow. I love the crunch under my feet, but I hate the ice. I love it when snow lays it’s beautiful blanket on everything making it gorgeous. I just don’t like the ice and the blowing cold that leaves my face feel like it will fall off at any moment. I could think of a few friends right now that I would love to go for a walk with and smell the woodsmoke and that cool, crisp, fresh smell. So, maybe I don’t hate snow. I just hate the bitter cold.]

But back to Christmas. It just makes me happy. I love warm fuzzy things and curling up with my family. I love cocoa in front of the woodstove. Of course, at my house, most activities are done in front of the woodstove because the rest of the house is so cold. But I guess it brings the family together. :-) And I love Christmas foods. I love making out Christmas cards and buying gifts. I’ve always loved buying gifts, but I think I love it more now than I did when I was younger. I love gifts....heart-felt ones the most, but I find such a pleasure in shopping for others and trying to make them feel special. Christmas just makes me happy.If you live in the area, I’d encourage you to go see Olmstead Manor next Weekend. It’s open from 4-8 next Sunday. It’s just a great time to reflect on important things such as friends and family and what life is all about. And I have to say that looking back on the year this year, I just have to say that Jesus is so faithful and He has changed my life and He is the true reason for the season and for life.

Have a very Merry Christmas!
~Lisa

Hope for the Lost

Last week, I felt like God put it on my heart to encourage a specific group of people-those who have family and close friends who were once walking with the Lord and have walked another direction. I feel like God’s saying not to lose hope. For those of you who have been earnestly praying and feeling like nothing is changing, don’t give up! It’s not the end and God is not done moving! It can be hard, and it may feel like you are climbing up a mountain on your knees grasping for any sense of hope. It may be a long journey ahead, and there may be a rough path to travel, but I say to you: do not give up praying for those you love who have wandered away from the call of God on their lives. For those of you who feel there is nothing more you can do, I again say, pray. We can’t always see what God is doing, but I felt God told me to encourage you to not lose hope. Get on your knees, get on your face, whatever it takes, and keep praying. While the road may be difficult, God is our strength. Keep praying.

I need Jesus

Many of your know that my back was in killer pain all last week. It got a little better and then it got a lot worse. I still don’t know what the cause of it was, but I became very close friends with the chiropractor, tylenol, and ibuprofen. And icy hot was there alongside. By Friday, I was in so much pain that I was messing things up at work and had a small accident. All the while, I wasn’t making time to spend with Jesus. I believed He could heal me and was faithful, but was relying on everyone else just to pray me through and then getting upset for those prayers not appearing to do anything. I literally had people from all over praying. It gave me a whole new appreciation for those who live in pain all the time, and how aggravated they must become with those who are always praying for them and saying things will change and they don’t.

Friday night, I came home, stumbled in the door, barely able to move without being in extreme pain. My parents prayed with me and I just began to cry. I went to bed and just cried and cried. I don’t ever remember being in that much pain and on top of the pain I messed up all this stuff at work. It was awful. And I, through choking on my tears, began to cry out to God. I called off work the next day and slept until after noon (making up sleep I’d lost in pain). I had an emergency visit to the chiropractor that afternoon. But then as the afternoon went on, I realized something....I was only in pain like 5% of the time. I don’t think God was being cruel to me. I think He was showing me that I couldn’t do it on my own.....that I needed Him. Sunday morning, I was able to bend over and pick up my shoes to put on. It was SUCH an accomplishment. I had trouble even bending an inch forward all week, and then Jesus intervenes and heals me and I had almost forgot what it was like just to live life and pick up things and get in my car without pain. But God is so good. He healed me and then He was healing people at Higher Calling last night. He is just AMAZING!

Word for the week: Time with Jesus is essential.