My support when I fall

I spent hours beating myself up, guilt overwhelming me. And then this song plays, encompassing the lyrics, "His blood commands my guilt to leave." (Jimmy Needham, "Forgiven and Loved") I was called to the company office. On the way to the office and back home, I was listening to "Embrace" by Jake Hamilton. The lyrics filled my car saying, "it's all gonna be ok." And I knew that whether I came out with a job or not, God is still God. As it happened...because of a poor decision on my part, I was terminated. Now I know that I made a mistake, but I also know that God is still God. I apologized to the company. I apologized to the Lord....oh how many times. Yet, He is good and He forgives. The next morning, an older song played through my ipod "And even when your hope is gone, move along, move along just to make it through." (AAR, Move Along) Despite my fall, God can change it around for His good. I'm not sure how yet, but I know He can.

I fell in a pit created by my own hands. And a hand reached out and grabbed mine. Who's hand was that? Well, first of all, the Lord. Even when I fail, He never fails me. He is ever faithful. And He graciously pulls me up when I fall.

But let me take a moment to brag on my family and close friends and the hand they offered me. See.....they're incredible. My family has it's disagreements like any. But I have been blessed with an extraordinary family. Instead of condemning me (like I did to myself the first night), they loved me, hugged me, offered hope, encouragement, and prayers. Never did they speak of the idiot I was. They just showered me in the most unconditional love and support. And I thank God for my family and how incredible they've been in this difficult time. To any of my family reading this: thank you. It means more than you'll ever probably know. And specifically to Gram (Hanson): staying with you and having a safe haven has been such a shelter in one of the storms of life and I appreciate your encouragement and never even thinking about putting me down in any way. I love that we can laugh together and forget about the worries of the world. I appreciate your love and I love you!

I have a couple close friends that were also incredible. One offered to let me talk and let me vent and yet was encouraging and has been ever since...giving me pieces of hopeful scripture and quotes and praying for me. Thank you, Krista. The other called me and very passionately told me about how God still had plans for me and that I wasn't a big screw-up and that God offers grace and forgiveness. I needed it. Had you seen it from the outside, you would've seen my best friend yelling at me. Honestly, I don't think I would've listened any other way. My mind was going a thousand directions and I needed the firmness, knowing she loves me. Thank you, Katie.

And to my parents and brothers who wrapped me in their arms the moment I walked in the door returning from the company office, thank you, thank you, thank you. And thank you for your support of my choice to be honest despite my failure. I appreciate your support so much.

So, it's a new day, soon to be a new year, and we'll see what God has in store next. I very much appreciate your prayers in this season of my life. Thanks for reading.